(no subject)

[warthog9]

So yeah, I've been up here in Madison for the last couple of days just kind of hanging out. The drive up was rather uneventful, and in fact almost pleasant now that highway 151 is nearly 4 lanes of split highway all the way up. Gave me several solid hours of thinking to do, and I look forward to the several solid hours of thinking I will have to do latter today (it's about 2am now) to get home. The trip has been pleasant though, it's just been good to get away and be away.

It's kind of interesting right now though as I type this, in this house full of people it is quite evident that I am the only single person here. Just ::sighs:: I don't know, it's been so hard to even quite realize or explain to people what I need, what would help. I'm in an odd state of ambivolence over the entire world and I just don't know how to rectify it all. The only thing I can see, the only thing it seems I can do is to just press on. I have a major life goal staring me in the face, the finish line is ahead and I'm sprinting down the last stretch towards it. I can't clearly see beyond it, and I know when I get there the ambivolence that chases me will finally catch up and I will be forced to do my best to deal with it. Just not really looking forward to it....

Kinda wish I had a crystal ball to see the future and something to dull my fealings now... I know this shouldn't still be bothering me this much, but it is... I haven't really heard anything from Carol since it happened, and I miss her. This is normal, I know but the saying goes you don't know what you have until you lose it.... someday some will wake up next to her, kiss her on her forehead and suddenly realize just how lucky he is, because if he doesn't he's doing her the greatest dishonor I can think of.

As for me....

To qoute the magic 8 ball (closest thing I have to a crystal ball):

Outcome uncertain.

maybe another days driving will clear up that answer?